Archive for March, 2008

The Nerd

Posted in Funny, Islam, Poems on March 31, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


Howdy people (pronounced: beebol)!!

How’re you?

I’m pretty much half dead, but then again, I got my latte so I shant complain 🙂

Alhamdulillah, latte 🙂

Oh, before I continue.

This post was brought to you by:


*Coke Zero, because it being black, white and red are reason alone to buy it.*

Anyway, this isn’t going to be long because I have a presentation to get started on. That’s right, the life of a geo student! 🙂

*Sigh*, I love it but it’s alot of work.

Well, what isn’t, sah (‘right’ in Arabic)?

My cousin has retired to my brother’s room to play the PS2 and entertain himself since his ‘busy’ cousin has to work…but he’s busy practicing magic!


Oh boy.


I’ll get right on my presentation just after I post this…and watch a couple of Youtube videos on magic…

Hey, they’re loading already anyway!

Hehe 😉

Oh check this out!!!


*Stainless steel playing cards*

Is that WOW or what!?!?

They’d be lethal if you threw them!

Anyone got a spare £150??

* * *

Ok, so check it out, this is my philosophy:


*Hey, it’s true.*

And I wrote a poem about the nimrod below.

It was weird. I wrote half of this poem whilst studying for my animal test about a week or two ago, don’t ask me why or how, it just came to me.

So, I hope you enjoy it, it has some deep meaning to it. We’ve all had our encounters with the cunning Devil…but ultimately, it takes ‘two’ to tango…we can always say ‘no’.

It’s up to us, isn’t it? 😉

Whispers come in left and right,

Good ideas and some so bright,

A chance for you to get what you desire,

Blissfully forgetting about the hellfire.


You follow along,

the whispers don’t seem so bad,

what could possibly go wrong?

How could this end up sad?


Slowly but surely,

The whispers take effect,

He has thousands of years experience with this,

a science he has had time to perfect.


One whisper leads to another,

But you didn’t see it like that.

The evil was undercover,

What was innocent…was bad.


Then it happens,

and the whispers come to a halt.

For it is then that you realize,

that it was all your fault.


You then come to see the truth,

with full vision & clarity,

He does not force you to do these things specifically.


He merely whispers,


and encourages,

your stupidity.


Stay safe everyone,

And don’t let your stupidity get the better of you! 😉



Some Pick Me Up

Posted in Funny, Music on March 28, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams you sneaky blog reader you,

What are you doing here huh?

If you’re in my course…and you’re on this blog…shame on you…shame on you 😉

You guessed it, we’re swarmed with work!


In a sad and sadistic way, it feels good to be this busy again 🙂

But I think the majority of my happiness now is derived from the fact that my precious gem of a mother is back safe and sound.

Alhamdulillah 🙂

And she brought Burger King 😉

THAT and she surprised us by bringing along one of my cousins to spend 2 weeks with us.

So since I’ll be busy with work and entertaining my good guest, you can expect a lack of activity on this here blog.

But worry not faithful Smooth Criminal Magic Blog reader, I am not gone, just occupied 🙂

Oh yeah, don’t worry, I shall bring my cousin to UBD, so all you women can see what a true tall, dark and handsome Yemeni Arab is supposed to look like, unlike the pathetic excuse of an Arab am I 😉

Heh, compared to all my cousins in S’pore, it looks like I came out in the ‘reject’ pile 😉

But it’s cool.

I can do magic 🙂


You tired?


But ya got work to do???

Here’s some ‘pick me up’,

*Just click play, there’s no video, just audio*

I love this song, it’s a happy tune and an awesome remix because it minimalizes the tune, allowing you to hear the base and heart of the rhythm.

It provides me with some nice ‘pick me up’ when I’m drained 🙂

Hopefully, it’ll help you out too, Insha Allah.

Righto, I gots to get back to what’s important.

See you when I see you Insha Allah.


Stay safe,

And no, my cousin is not single 😉



Posted in Booga, Poems on March 26, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

I miss her.


I miss her alot.


I miss her smell.


I miss her softness.


I miss her cheeks.


I miss her warm embrace.


I miss her words of comfort.


That’s right ladies and gentlemen…be prepared to roll your eyes…


I miss my mummy 😦





I’ll admit it proudly just in case you are unaware, I am very much a Mama’s boy. Nothing warms my heart more than to see her smile.

And she’s so small!!


Alhamdulillah, she is alive and well, Alhamdulillah.

It’s just…

I miss her.

She’s in S’pore now, well, she was in KL a couple of hours ago to visit my grand aunty, so yeah.

She’s been gone since last Thursday…and she should be back this Friday Insha Allah.

Please pray she arrives home safe and sound!! 🙂

Actually, this time around, my missing her is not so bad, perhaps it’s cos I have alot of things on my mind, but I do feel an emptiness in the house. The lack of hugs and kisses is of course noticeable!

I remember how bad it used to be when I was younger, like when I was 7 or so and my mum had to leave, I’d always fall sick…somehow or another. It sucked because I was staying with family and it sort of troubled them, but yeah, can’t help it right?

It got really bad when I had to go to Singapore for my National Service. The first 2 months were the worst.

I remember the pain I would feel inside…being in a place I didn’t want to be…away from the people I loved and away from what I’m supposed to be doing…

I was so depressed and I felt so lost…eventhough Singapore is where I was born and the majority of my immediate family is there…I felt like a stranger in another country.

I grew up here, in good ol’ Brunei.

Brunei is home 🙂

Singapore was just…a mad rush poorly disguising itself as life.

Living there, I remember not a day went by that I didn’t miss her. As a result, I called her pretty much every day. That phone call, I reckon, was the only thing keeping my sanity in check.

Needless to say, my phone bill was close to $300 every month.

Money well spent, says I.

Living in S’pore drove me nuts…literally. To hear her soothing voice at the other end of the line was something I always looked forward to.

I remember not having a proper place to stay during my first few weeks there…the only ‘home’ I had initially was the Police Academy…sounds weird right?

My Dad wanted me to ‘stand on my own 2 feet’, something I rather appreciate now, looking back.

But such lessons aren’t learnt without costs.

It was really painful to be so alone and unloved, when just a week before you were surrounded by the people you love and got a warm embrace every time you left your room.

I remember sitting on top of my bunk bed in the barrack at night…writing this poem for my mum in my little notebook.


Throughout my life, you’ve been by my side to help me and hold my hand.

But now the time has come for me to go alone, to face life, its pains and joys, all by my own.

I love you more than any words could come close to describing and yet, I still feel that you need to be loved more.

Just like our Prophet, when God put you on this world, He not only did this world a favor, but mankind as well.

But to me, He gave me something so priceless and precious that I doubt I could eat, sleep, live or breathe without you.

I hope and pray that the time when we meet again will arrive sooner than we think, and the time we are together is as long as eternity itself.

I love you my dear mother and I want you to know that you are the air that fills my lungs, the substance that makes my heart beat, the life that flows through my veins.

Without you, for me, there is no life.

So lifeless I will be,

until we meet,


* * *


I remember weeping in the dark as I wrote that.

Melodramatic huh?

Well, when your parents divorced when you’re young and your mother brought you up single-handedly, teaching you everything you know…making you the man you are now…perhaps then you would understand, just how important she is to me.

Looking back at my writing in my little notebook…I still get a lump in my throat…I can see the pain in my handwriting…if that’s possible?

Heh, I remember typing all of this out when I got out of the Academy and sending it to my mum, after printing it on a fancy piece of paper.

4 years ago, I sent it to my mum.


4 years ago, my mum read it and loved it.


4 years ago, she pinned it on her board in front of her study desk.


4 years later…it’s still there.


Stay safe everybody,

And don’t worry…I’m calling her right now 🙂


Old Fashioned

Posted in Fred Astaire, Love, Music on March 25, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams ladies and gentlemen!

This is quite a coincidence…

Remember when I said that I considered myself ‘old fashioned’?

Looks like I’m not the only one 😉

Now all you young whipper snappers may not know who they are. That is Rita Hayworth and Fred Astaire. Rita is the beautiful woman in the dress just in case any of you were confused. Great dress right? Neckline is a bit…yeah, but the rest if great! To be honest, Rita looks like my Grand-Aunty when she was young 🙂

Fred, is of course, a wonderful dancer. In fact, he was Michael Jackson’s inspiration! I love watching old clips of Fred, I’d watch them again and again and again.

This one is my fave! (Don’t worry, it’s a short 1:18 long clip) Fred does a magic trick in this one, see if you can catch it.


I love the sound of tap dancing shoes!

Did you catch the magic trick he did?

Here’s something you can note, whenever Fred dances, the camera doesn’t cut (or after a long time it does). This is because he wants it that way, makes it more wholesome, you know? I think he just loved dancing and didn’t want to stop when the director yelled ‘Cut!’.

About the first clip…I just got all soft inside when Rita sang those words, to tell Fred that she was old fashioned too…Wow…

I need me some of that 🙂

Anyways, apologies for the lack of a proper post, but I have a truck load of work to get back to.

Stay safe everybody,

I’ll just stay old fashioned 😉



Here’s a sweet jazz version of the song, ‘I’m Old Fashioned’ by Sara Gazarek, trust me, you will like.


I’m old fashioned
But I don’t mind it
That’s how I want to be
As long as you’ll agree
To stay old fashioned with me


Posted in Michael Jackson, Music on March 23, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


So awhile ago, my cousin forwarded me a link to a Youtube video and he asked me to watch it. What I saw absolutely appalled me.

It wasn’t exactly what I saw that was appalling…but it was what I heard. It was a music video. I shall not state the name of the song nor the name of the singers because quite frankly, they don’t deserve the celebrity.

The lyrics were horrible! What was that?! The graphic lyrics were about the ‘nasty things’ only married people should perform. At first I thought this was a joke…but no…this was an established group! They made CDs! They made music but…this wasn’t music! This was porn!

The last time I checked, you write lyrics with your heart, mind and soul…not with some other part of your anatomy!

I honestly felt that I should be wearing a condom listening to that rubbish.

Needless to say, I closed the window before the video had gotten to the half way mark.

What is the world coming to?

Is this music?

Is this what a timeless art has been reduced to?

People who know me well…know I do not listen to the radio, well, not by choice anyway. And that song I heard on Youtube just proved my point.

There is very very little good music out there today, so little in fact, that I’ve given up turning on the radio anymore.

ALOT of the music coming out now is either about sex, ideas pertaining to the Black culture of America or just general brain-dead music.

And what is brain-dead music you ask?

I got 2 words for you:

Teriyaki Boys (Met loooooves them)

People always ask me…why do you like Michael Jackson so much? He’s a freak! He’s weird!

Well, maybe he is. But at least he knows music. At least he knows entertainment value. If you don’t appreciate the person behind the music, fine, we all have our flaws…but at least look at his art!

I mean, like him or not, he DID make music what it is today…seriously. Without him, black artists might not even BE on MTV. MJ was the first black artist to be aired on MTV, prior to that, MTV refused to air black music videos. MJ fought for that right, paving the way for the future of all black artists on MTV.

Not only that, but his music was amazing! Just the OPENING segment of Billie Jean creates an excitement and mysterious aura no other song has been able to match, Thriller made you want to do the iconic dance that goes along with it, Human Nature makes you sway to its sweet melody, You Are Not Alone becomes an anthem for all the lonely people, Smooth Criminal makes you think of me 😉 , Beat It is a song you just can’t help but sing along to and They Don’t Care About Us is a song with a beat your feet can’t resist tapping to.

And his dancing? Forget about it!

So why do I love MJ so much?


It’s like, if you have found the best…why settle for anything less?

That’s the way I see it.

Alright, alright, we get it, so MJ is the King of Pop, but what about the others Aman? Is all other music condemned to hell?

Haha, what a silly question.

The answer is of course, yes.












Good music is not rare…it just doesn’t exist in large quantities in the present as it did in the past. Think about it:

* Nat King Cole
* Dean Martin
* Frank Sinatra
* Johnny Mathis
* Louis Armstrong
* The Righteous Brothers
* The Bee Gees
* Ray Charles

They all were HUGE back then, and their music still stands strong today.

Too old for you? Yeah 1960’s is a bit…yeah, ok.

Slightly more recent artists I think make good music:

* Nirvana
* Foo Fighters
* Josh Groban
* Sting
* Elton John
* Andrea Bocelli
* Eminem (yes…but only some songs)

Just to name a few.

Check out this old band my Dad introduced to me…Bread

Yes, there’s a band named Bread.


You’ll thank me later.

Lovely, no?

You can thank me now 😉



THIS is what music should be like!

Teriyaki boys, please take note, God damn it.

And listen to this:

This one made a lump magically appear in my throat…it described how I felt at one particular time, a long time ago.

The lyrics…told a story… in sheer poetry…

THIS is what music is meant to do! Music is supposed to touch your heart, make you think and feel and cry…

I’ll tell you something.

Most of today’s songs become famous/popular by relying on a catchy beat…not the soulfulness of its lyrics and not the genius of it’s musical intricacy.

Such cases include the ridiculous Teriyaki crap, the annoying ‘I’m Blue’ song and the (Astaghfirullah) stupid, stupid, STUPID ‘Crazy Frog’ song.




These songs are ridiculously brain numbing, I reckon my brain cells die a horrible death whenever such songs are aired.

Crazy frog?!


Someone please put this mentally deranged frog in an asylum before I dissect him!

And yet…

People like them.

Know why?

It’s the beat…the underlying beat is infectious…doesn’t make it good music though, it just makes it…how to say, ‘easier’ to swallow? Because it digs into the recesses of your mind and stays there, FORCING you to like it by running itself over and over again in your mind.

Ever wonder why a beat just won’t get out of your head…? It has been engineered to do just that.

Anyway, that crazy frog and the blue alien thingy can get in the teriyaki mobile and bugger off for all I care. Will.I.Am and his ‘Got it from my mama’ song can tag along too.

For me, it’s like comparing a movie with QUALITY acting and dialog to a movie with crap acting…but lots of naked scenes and violence. They’ll both be popular for sure…but for different reasons. They would attract different crowds…

As I said in my ‘About’ page…perhaps I’m just old fashioned. I’m not of the ‘younger crowd’ that finds such noise (I refuse to call it music) ‘nice’. I just can’t appreciate new music…I’m sorry.

Perhaps that’s the explanation to all this then?

I’m just old fashioned 🙂

But we KNOW good music exists.

So why can’t they make it anymore?

Well, they DO…as I said, it’s just rare.

Perhaps I haven’t been listening out for new music enough to be sure.

Perhaps I just haven’t been open-minded enough.


But I’m happy and content, looking in the past, for good music.

All of what I’ve said earlier is not to be applied holistically on all new music, it’s just highlighting the general (descending) trend in the quality of music coming out now.

Remember: The latest isn’t always the greatest, but the classics are called classics for a reason. Think about it.

And I reckon everyone should, at least once in a while, try to look where music came from…what music was…before they can truly evaluate what music should be.


Stay safe everybody,

And always wear your ear condoms!


Seeing Black

Posted in Black, Funny, Magic, Science on March 22, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


And how are you today?


I sincerely hope so.

As for yours truly…well, he got home, had dinner, felt sleepy, decided to nap at 7pm and wake up at 9pm. I just woke up an hour ago…and it’s 2am.


I dreamt of Indiana Jones!!!


Well…it wasn’t like the dream was ABOUT him…but he was walking around.

I love his movies (can’t wait for the next one!)

Anyway, I was like,

“Are you really Indiana Jones?!”

And he was like,


And I said,


Woke up shortly after that.

The of stupidity of the dream was getting to be too much for me.

Anyway, the dream must be because of my conversation with Dr. Ulmar eariler on.

Went to see Dr. Ulmar about my potential project work with him next year and it was so cool!

He actually gave me an option of things I could do and they all sounded terrific, very heavy-duty field work stuff. You know? Getting nitty-gritty with nature, out there covered in mud, feeling all manly, stomping around with a machete, hacking away at tree branches, catching frogs and feeling really good about yourself.

All in the name of science 🙂

Oklah, so maybe it’s not 100% Indy stuff, I know he doesn’t catch frogs…but still!

I got the hat!


Gotta find a whip though…

Haha, no lah, but seriously, his talk really inspired me and not only could I see myself performing the research he suggested, but it looked like an experience I wouldn’t mind taking on…leeches and all.

I don’t think I can talk much about it here because it’s all still uncertain at this point but I will most definitely let you all know when I’ve made a confirmed decision.

* * *

Today, our practical was supremely interesting, as the test subjects…were ourselves!


I completely humiliated myself with the Perimeter test…my goodness…

Basically the test indicates the distribution of the cones and rods (the colour-detecting cells) in the eye by determining at which angle you first observe colour. So it’s not a colour blindness test or anything, but you sure as heck feel colour blind!!

Alhamdulillah, I’m not colour blind.


Anyway, I started yelling out colours that didn’t exist and SWEARING they were there!

“It’s a black disc! I swear to God it’s a black disc!!! Eh…oh…it’s yellow…”


I’m sure Met will blog about it later… *sigh*

But, in preparation for that, I shall put up the pic of Met doing what he does best, right bro? 😉

*The price of being wacky~~*

I know I can be a mean friend sometimes…

And I have to admit…with my skills on Photoshop…there were a MILLION and one things I was tempted to do to this pic…

But I’m not that mean… 🙂

On a brighter note, the test indicated that Met’s lungs are grotesquely huge and he will survive underwater at least 10 seconds longer than all of us if we were drowning, lost out at sea on a dark, stormy night.


All I know is that if a yellow coloured rescue boat came to fetch me out of the water, I’d swear to God it was black.

* * *

SPEAKING of black!!!

Check out my newest addition to my close up table!!!


*Magic shouldn’t look this sexy…*

To the uninformed, a close up table is the table at which close up magicians (such as myself) practice and perform their magic.

And the new addition here is the half black, half clear glass candle holder!!!

Wicked yeah?

Got an awesome routine that goes with it too 😉

* * *

*Sup bro!*

Haha, yeah man, found it in the glove box of the Holden, will pass it back to you on Monday Insha Allah.

Alrighty then you lot, I would like to get any of the work I can get out of the way…out of the way, before next week comes a-knocking at my door.

And none of us are looking forward to next week right guys?

If you’re in my course you’d understand 🙂

G’nite…or G’morning as it were, you all.

Stay safe,

And it’s black…swear to God 😉


The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived.

Posted in Islam, The Prophet on March 20, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams everyone!

So today was the birth date of the Prophet S.A.W. 🙂

The birth date of THE greatest man who ever lived. God’s most love creation and the example to all of mankind.

The stories and lessons told of him have changed the way MILLIONS of people lived. He is perhaps the most influential man who ever lived, influencing not only the people of his time, but for many generations after, even now.

One can’t help but reflect on his stories, his life and feel inadequate. And why shouldn’t we feel inadequate?

We should all strive for the image he has set for the ‘ummah.

When we look at our lives and see the (minuscule) strifes and troubles we call ‘our problems’ and compare them to the challenges HE had to face in his time.

The pain, the suffering and the difficulties…Masha Allah.

AND, let’s not forget that he is ALLAH’S MOST LOVED CREATION.

You would think God would go easy on him yeah?

Everything happens for a reason…

Without the Prophet going through hardships, we would not know how to view OUR hardships…and more importantly, we won’t know how to go about handling them.

In the face of adversity, he practiced kindness, patience and compassion.

In the face of war and conflict, he practiced the manners of a brave and fierce LEADER of an army.

His wisdom knows no bounds and not a single sentence went by without someone around to note it down.

When I think about his accomplishments (of which he takes no PRIDE in) and all the lessons he has departed…I can’t help but be moved.

I then look at MYSELF and realize that I am NOTHING…not even CLOSE…nowhere NEAR close…

When I should strive to be so much more…

We all should strive to be so much more.

The one thing that always brings me close to tears is the Prophet’s Last Sermon, also known as the Farewell sermon, he delivered at Mount Arafat. It was his last sermon before his death one year after that…

“O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I don’t know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. ALLAH has forbidden you to take usury (Interest), therefore all interest obligation shall henceforth be waived…

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to commit adultery.

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship ALLAH, say your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadhan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. Know that every Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. You are all equal. Nobody has superiority over another except by piety and good action.

Remember, one day you will appear before ALLAH and answer for your deeds. So beware, do not astray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand my words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the QUR’AN and my example, the SUNNAH and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly.”

He then asked,

“O people, have I faithfully delivered unto you my message?”

To which the thousands of people gathered in front of him in the valley thunderously yelled, “Allahumma na’m!” (O Allah, yes).

He then raised his forefinger and said,


* * *

I don’t know why.

Don’t ask me why.

The very last line is the one that makes me choke. I don’t know why.

Perhaps it’s because it was the last line of the last sermon on his last (and only) pilgrimage.

Or perhaps it’s because it’s like, his job is done, you know?

That’s it…no more.

That’s where the ‘adventure ends’, as it were…

For someone I’ve never met…just from all the lessons I’ve learnt, from all the stories I’ve read…I love the Prophet so much.

I don’t deserve to be who I am…I really don’t.

I will do my best to try to make him proud, as should all of his ‘ummah.

So that all that he went through was not in vain…his job was to guide us…the blind and ignorant.

To guide us in not only religion, but everyday life…how to bathe, how to eat, how to talk to people. He provided guidance for marriage, for love, for banking, for war and for peace.

No man has guided a SOCIETY in as many aspects as the Prophet S.A.W.

Goes without saying…O Rasul, you did a fine job.

I hope you have a happy birthday up there, peace and blessings be upon you O Rasul.