Aman’s Advice II

Salaams all!

And welcome, welcome!

Welcome to another installment of Aman’s Advice: The Advice You Got That You Didn’t Ask For!


Today on Amans Advice:


The Smash And Grab


“Huh?”, you may be asking yourself.

‘Smash & Grab’ is a cop term used to indicate the crime of stealing from a motor vehicle (or shop), mostly because it involves the smashing of glass followed by the grabbing of whatever that may be of value.


Firstly, I must point out that most smash & grab (S & G) cases occur due to sheer stupidity and ignorance…in fact, alot of crimes occur due to sheer stupidity and ignorance. You’d be surprised at the number of crimes one can prevent just by being ‘one step ahead of the game’ as it were.

Head’s up: S & G’s really suck for you.


Because now, not only are you missing an item of value…but you’re stuck to foot the bill for a new window (depending on insurance). Isn’t that like adding insult to injury? I think it is.

I can so imagine the crook running away laughing at you and your loss, saying “You just got PWNED sucka!!!”.

Ticks me off.


Cos I’m Batman…


*Shh…don’t tell anybody*
Ok Mr. Batman, how does a S & G occur?

Well, normally it involves someone leaving something of value in the car, such that it is visible from the outside.

Sounds kind of stupid right?

Despite popular belief…your car is not a tank…


*This guy is an exception…*

Remember, the only thing separating your valuables from the grubby hands of the outside world…is a pane of glass.

That’s all.

I know it sounds mundane to state the obvious, but you will honestly be surprised at how some people take the security of their car for granted.

So, what do you do then Mr. Ex-Sergeant-Batman-Superhero?

Well, the answer is simple, is it not?

Don’t leave your valuables in your car 🙂

Even for a little while?


Such S & G incidents take less than 2 minutes to occur, so always be careful!

All one has to do is take their shoe off and use it to smash in your window, that’s it, doesn’t take very long.

Older cars are more likely targets because they are more likely not to have car alarms that would attract attention, so any of you with older models might want to take extra precautions.

Parking in a well-lit area is always a good idea, because crooks prefer to operate in the dark, where they’re harder to spot.

That’s so gay.

Crooks are gay.

So now comes the question, what if you have to leave something in the car? Well, if you DO have to leave something in the car, that you absolutely can’t take with you, try to put it in a place where it cannot immediately be seen.

REMEMBER: Out of sight, out of mind.

In other words, if you can’t see it, you won’t be tempted to take it.

The glove box is ideal however…

*Crooks may be gay…but they’re not stupid*

So how then Mr. Super-Hairy-Batman?

Ok, the REAL trick to this, is to put the goods in the boot of your car.

The last time I checked, humans can’t see through metal, so they won’t see your stuff in there. Plus, it’ll take longer for them to get the boot open, meaning the job would not be so clean.

Because then it would be a ‘Smash-Open Door-Pop Boot Open-Go To Boot-Rummage Around In The Dark To Look For Something’ job…which even the gayest of crooks would rather not do.

The obvious things not to leave in the car would be stuff like mobile phones, wallets, handbags, laptops, etc.

Now remember, your laptop bags or handbags can even be EMPTY…and you still should not leave them where they can be seen because the crook (due to his gay nature) will still be tempted to smash & grab…having high expectations about its contents.

Meaning then, although you may only be losing an empty bag, you’re still stuck with a broken window.

Not cool.

However, if you insist on leaving your empty laptop bags or handbags in the car, don’t forget to put a ‘PWNED’ note in the bag just for kicks.


So that’s it.

Always remember to carry your valuables with you, even if you’re leaving the vehicle for a short amount of time.

If you need to leave something precious in your car, try to do so in the boot, where it is harder to get at.

For extra security, you could always install a car alarm which goes off if anything happens to the car – creating a racket the gayish crook would not appreciate.


Because it attracts attention and people will start looking over in the direction of that annoying siren, only to find a dude with this look on his face:


That’s right!

Then all of us witnesses can run up to him and do this!

*PWNED Sucka!!!*

* * *

Remember everyone, we cannot 100% eliminate crime. Gay crooks will always find a way…

So does that mean we should just roll over and die?

Heck no!

We should do our best to discourage them by making the job harder!

It’s OUR stuff and we should protect it!

* * *


Righto, I have to get back to my lab report now!

Stay safe everybody!

And always be one step ahead of the game!



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