Lifeless

I miss her.

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I miss her alot.

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I miss her smell.

.

I miss her softness.

.

I miss her cheeks.

.

I miss her warm embrace.

.

I miss her words of comfort.

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That’s right ladies and gentlemen…be prepared to roll your eyes…

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I miss my mummy 😦

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booga.jpg

*Booga!!*

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I’ll admit it proudly just in case you are unaware, I am very much a Mama’s boy. Nothing warms my heart more than to see her smile.

And she’s so small!!

*Sigh*

Alhamdulillah, she is alive and well, Alhamdulillah.

It’s just…

I miss her.

She’s in S’pore now, well, she was in KL a couple of hours ago to visit my grand aunty, so yeah.

She’s been gone since last Thursday…and she should be back this Friday Insha Allah.

Please pray she arrives home safe and sound!! 🙂

Actually, this time around, my missing her is not so bad, perhaps it’s cos I have alot of things on my mind, but I do feel an emptiness in the house. The lack of hugs and kisses is of course noticeable!

I remember how bad it used to be when I was younger, like when I was 7 or so and my mum had to leave, I’d always fall sick…somehow or another. It sucked because I was staying with family and it sort of troubled them, but yeah, can’t help it right?

It got really bad when I had to go to Singapore for my National Service. The first 2 months were the worst.

I remember the pain I would feel inside…being in a place I didn’t want to be…away from the people I loved and away from what I’m supposed to be doing…

I was so depressed and I felt so lost…eventhough Singapore is where I was born and the majority of my immediate family is there…I felt like a stranger in another country.

I grew up here, in good ol’ Brunei.

Brunei is home 🙂

Singapore was just…a mad rush poorly disguising itself as life.

Living there, I remember not a day went by that I didn’t miss her. As a result, I called her pretty much every day. That phone call, I reckon, was the only thing keeping my sanity in check.

Needless to say, my phone bill was close to $300 every month.

Money well spent, says I.

Living in S’pore drove me nuts…literally. To hear her soothing voice at the other end of the line was something I always looked forward to.

I remember not having a proper place to stay during my first few weeks there…the only ‘home’ I had initially was the Police Academy…sounds weird right?

My Dad wanted me to ‘stand on my own 2 feet’, something I rather appreciate now, looking back.

But such lessons aren’t learnt without costs.

It was really painful to be so alone and unloved, when just a week before you were surrounded by the people you love and got a warm embrace every time you left your room.

I remember sitting on top of my bunk bed in the barrack at night…writing this poem for my mum in my little notebook.

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Throughout my life, you’ve been by my side to help me and hold my hand.

But now the time has come for me to go alone, to face life, its pains and joys, all by my own.

I love you more than any words could come close to describing and yet, I still feel that you need to be loved more.

Just like our Prophet, when God put you on this world, He not only did this world a favor, but mankind as well.

But to me, He gave me something so priceless and precious that I doubt I could eat, sleep, live or breathe without you.

I hope and pray that the time when we meet again will arrive sooner than we think, and the time we are together is as long as eternity itself.

I love you my dear mother and I want you to know that you are the air that fills my lungs, the substance that makes my heart beat, the life that flows through my veins.

Without you, for me, there is no life.

So lifeless I will be,

until we meet,

again.

* * *

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I remember weeping in the dark as I wrote that.

Melodramatic huh?

Well, when your parents divorced when you’re young and your mother brought you up single-handedly, teaching you everything you know…making you the man you are now…perhaps then you would understand, just how important she is to me.

Looking back at my writing in my little notebook…I still get a lump in my throat…I can see the pain in my handwriting…if that’s possible?

Heh, I remember typing all of this out when I got out of the Academy and sending it to my mum, after printing it on a fancy piece of paper.

4 years ago, I sent it to my mum.

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4 years ago, my mum read it and loved it.

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4 years ago, she pinned it on her board in front of her study desk.

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4 years later…it’s still there.

🙂

Stay safe everybody,

And don’t worry…I’m calling her right now 🙂

Aman

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17 Responses to “Lifeless”

  1. awww…that is so sweet, Aman. u are so attached to ur mum. wish i can be like that!

  2. Well, Amal, it’s hard NOT to be attached to her, she’s adorable 🙂

    You’ll be like that too when you realize that our mothers are special…and moreso because there’s only ONE of them in our lifetime.

    So treasure her.

    Treasure her such that you will never regret not appreciating her enough.

    Every moment, is a moment, so make it count 🙂

  3. Aman, that was a good post about your mum, sweet man, i mean good mushy mushy thing..okay im going to my mom now..toodles bro~

  4. Do u have tissue am abt to cry :s

  5. Waf: I’m all about the mushy mushy ;p Sorry yeah bro, I had to ‘trim’ your comment sikit, ada unnecessary information tu! :p

    Amjaad: No, sorry, I don’t. But I have a thooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe

  6. Best post ever bro.

    My regards to your mom 🙂

  7. dude.. i think u and i have something in common… we are momma’s boys…

  8. Met: Will do buddy.

    Tibster: We be Mama’s boys and proud of it!!

  9. I think the happiest mother is the one who has the happiest kids. And the happiest kids are those who are raised by a mother who gives nothing but happiness.
    Interesting post. You should write about your mother more often. It’s heart warming plus it encourages us women to be excellent mothers.

  10. Ike,

    Thank you for your kind comment.

    Indeed motherhood is an uphill slope, but one worth climbing.

    My mother not only provided me and my brothers with happiness, but also love, advice and knowledge.

    I will try to write more on my mother, worry not 🙂

    For what it’s worth, the fact that you’re at all concerned about being a good mother is indication enough that you are one.

    Thanks for dropping by 🙂

  11. yeah bro… momma’s boy for life!!!

  12. And i laughed a bit. I’m not yet a mother. Far from it. But it is my dream to be one.
    God bless =)

  13. got daym…dats so sweet..think im gonna cry now 😦 hustle up yea 🙂

  14. repect baby~

  15. they are undeniably the respectable women of the world. yeaa i feel youuu aman! i was missing my mom crazily. calling her and texting her every now and then.

    anyhoos, i hope i’d be a great mom one day :// ameen. heee. not that i’m ready!

  16. Insha Allah, ameen.

    I sincerely hope you do and to be frank, I have no doubts that you will Insha Allah 🙂

  17. wahhhhh tu trimed that last part of my comment bro hahaha too much info u say?hehe still ‘mom’s post’ is one of few post that really moved me.. keep up the good work and beware~~~~~ deadlines are just around the corner…better do ur work now haha cheers~

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