Archive for the Black Category

Seed of Barakah

Posted in Black, Booga, Funny, Umar on May 7, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


And we got 6 left to go…

Well, I have 6 exams left to go.

Alhamdulillah x 3, The paper was good. A pleasant paper that was, yes, indeed, rather.

I love pleasant papers like that. I can go to the loo and take a break from all that sitting down.

Let it be known; sitting down is hard work 😛

Nah, I went to the loo like 4 times during the paper!!

Drank lots of water the night before as well as earlier today, you see 😀

Yeah…I have this mouth ulcer…that really really really hurts 😦

AND it’s a big one…yeah, almost as big as the size of my pinkie nail!

Now that’s big!

You know what sucks?

Seeing/Reading about a full grown man complain about a wound smaller than a nostril.


So I’ll stop now 😛


I asked my mum what I could put on it to make it better (Mums always know these kind of things don’t they?) and she said habbat assaudah oil. Habbat assaudah (or also known as habbat albarakah – which literally means the seed of barakah or blessings) is the black seed that is widely sold in Saudi. Looks like this,

*Image from*

It’s also known as Black Cumen but if you want to be really fancy about it, it’s scientific name is Nigella sativa.

In Islamic medicine, this seed is held in very high regard (hence the name ‘seed of blessing’) and it has been used for hundreds of years.

And I conveniently forgot all about it.

So anyway my mum told me to use the black seed oil…and I asked, “Are you sure it’ll help?”

And she turned to me and said, “The Prophet P.B.U.H. once said that this seed can cure all diseases but death – I’m sure it can handle an ulcer”.

In the words of the Wacky Met…”~nyeah”.

I completely forgot about how we used to apply this oil to Umar’s lips when they crack (thanks to a cold night) and they healed by the end of the day!!

And look at his lips…

*You can’t touch this!*

There it is, Umar’s Infamous Pout.

Look at his good looks lah!

Umar! What are doing with such stunning good looks aye?! Huh? What are you doing with it huh?

Helmi got all the height and you got all the good looks and nice skin and everything!

I just got stuck with all the HAIR.

Hehehe, 😀

Yeah, but if your good looks were to be any indication of the beauty within you…I’d say it’s doing a pretty good job, little guy 🙂

Yup, you are our seed of barakah 🙂

I’ve already applied the oil.

Now I’m gonna try and see if my pout looks as good as his 😉

Good luck for the rest of your exams my friends!

Stay safe,

And [the seed] is BLACK!!! 😉



Spider Spam!

Posted in Black, Funny, Science on April 17, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams everyone!

How you all doing?

Good, I sincerely hope!

Alhamdulillah 🙂

You know what I do, just for kicks?

I love reading the subject titles of my Junk mail, some of the stuff are just hilarious! I delete them after my chuckle and I always forget to save a screen-shot…until now…hehehe, I got a nice one!

*I got a hidden cam video!!!! XD*

Damn! That’s something even I wouldn’t want to watch! Hehehe XD

Oh, and according to the last mail, Viagra is on sale for only 0.93 cents apparently 😉

* * *

Was just surfing the net and I came across some really awesome pics of a red back spider that caught a snake! The snake was slithering around and it triggered the red back’s web, the red back came swooping in and gave the snake a kiss (of death!) for dropping by 🙂

Now I must warn those who are squeamish that you might not like the following pictures, but let me just tell you this: red back spiders don’t occur in tropical countries like Brunei, so don’t worry 🙂

I love poisonous spiders and snakes…not chewing on my toe or anything, but as subjects of study, I find them absolutely fascinating!

Imagine! The ability to paralyze and kill your victim – which, more often than not, is bigger than you…with just a bite!

Masha Allah…let it not be said that God is not fair – giving the little guys big guns!

So here it is, I think it’s a male red back spider.

If any of you are familiar with spiders, you would, like me, mistake this spider for a black widow:

But it isn’t, it’s an Australian Red Back spider and I think it’s amazing.

And it’s black 😉

So the spider catches and kills the snake and its venom helps to digest the internal tissue of the snake…allowing the spider to just slurp up the protein-filled juices.

Yummy 🙂

That, and with a prey that large, he can pack it neatly (as seen in the last pic) and have a store he can feed out of for quite a while.

Amazing no?

That’s God’s handiwork for you 😉

* * *

If any of you readers are in my course of Plant Physiology, I am now going to upload pics of the Infra Red Gas Analyzer for your perusal in the upcoming report this Saturday.

And don’t forget to state where you got these pics ah…please ah 😛

And the most important pic of all:

*Wacky Work*

You may thank me now 😉

Oh, if you want extra points, you can add this photo in as well

Or not 😉

Sleep well everyone!

And don’t let the red backs bite! 😉


Black Tai Chi

Posted in Black, Funny, Motivational Posters on April 3, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams every-the-body!

Just got back from, Alhamdulillah, another buffet 😀

We eat many many when there is guest in the house, just to show him how much Brunei rocks your alimentary canal!

The Rizqun restaurant has, really, one of the BEST buffets in Brunei. AND it’s decently priced too! For around $20 per head, you can get a pretty good spread!

And it comes with coffee or tea 🙂

Thing is…I’ve always been a fan of the Empire international cuisine buffet…but sadly…their standards have dropped…big time. Went there on Sunday and I have to say I was disappointed….very very disappointed.

I used to love their desserts…would go for 3 rounds!!! But their desserts were only sub-standard to what they used to serve, what a shame. They really did cut corners 😦

They used to have free flow of 3 types of juice, were really extravagant on the types of dishes served…but now…no more juice and the different dishes are mainly Asian delicacy…which is nice, don’t get me wrong…but it’s not what it used to be.

Their salmon was good though 🙂

THANKFULLY their coffee is the same 🙂

Anyway, after our buffet at The Mall, I went and got myself a new thumbdrive!!


Check it out, 4GBs of pure Kingston Memory,


*AND it’s black too 😉 *

Yay! Alhamdulillah, a good deal at $25 🙂

* * *

I plopped down next to the Homo of Homos in the Animal Physiology lecture.

Midway through the lecture, I catch Metis Wong Kuan Lee doing something rather strange.

He made a noise…as if he was taking his last breath…,


And the look on his face…was as if he couldn’t breathe…

And he moved his right arm…ever so slowly…in front of him, as if trying with all his dying strength…to reach for some imaginary object.

It looked like some demented form of tai chi.

*Wacky Tai Chi*

It seems that our faggoty friend Met had overworked himself at the gym.

Bro, you’re not superman, ok? 😉

That’s Fadhli’s job.

Yes, yes I know you just wanna tone your body up, that’s cool, but yeah, just take it easy ok? It’s not nice seeing you squirm for no apparent reason, it looks so wrong.

*Know what this looks like?*

Looks like Wacky Met is trying to do an MJ move…

*It ain’t too hard for me to Jam*

Almost got it bro, keep at it XD

Make sure you put some muscle ointment yeah man?

Rest easy big guy 🙂

*Mr. Wacky Ouch & Kak Miz*

* * *

Meanwhile, Hamza, is enjoying Brunei’s peace & quiet…

* Acting gay is hard work…*

I’m still getting used to seeing my cousin asleep on my floor when I awake for Subuh…but it’s nice 🙂

At least he doesn’t touch me in wrong ways 😉

* * *

Went to the new Verde boutique in the Empire,


*Spider-man Colours*

Almost bought this red shirt…but the cutting wasn’t the best thing in the world, so yeah, had to skip on it.

I don’t have a red shirt like that, so yeah, something to keep an eye out for next trip to S’pore Insha Allah, if rezki comes my way.

* * *

Speaking of red…

I got pranked.


That’s right, the King of Pranks, got PRANKED!!!

I got the shock of my life when my pretty Omani sister, Amjaad, told me that her family had to shift back to Oman!

It was such a shock because it came out of the blue!

Now, I know Amjaad is a bloody good prankster like myself, but she made it sound sooo real! Even told me she almost got sent to Tanzania…nice move you!!!

I told my mum and she was shocked as well! We haven’t even met your family for Eid!!!

Bumped into her and her friends at FASS and they WERE ALL IN ON IT!!!

How much did you pay them huh you schlager?!

Or did you threaten them with a round of schlagging?

Or perhaps you bribed them with Amjaad’s handmade chairs?

Heh, either way…

Well done, well done 🙂

You got me good, alright? I’ll give you that 😉



Alrighty then you carbon based organisms, I shall call it a night as I have to slap together a bunch of slides known as the English presentation!!!


Stay safe everyone, for God’s sake, stay safe.

And Met…a chick beat you to pranking me…and she did it WELL too…mana your ‘what goes around comes around’ prank huh?



The Fool of April

Posted in Black, Funny, Motivational Posters on April 1, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

The King of Pranks says Metis Wong Kuan Lee?

My my…what a prestigious title 😉

Well, Met knows what I’m capable of and Lord knows I love hearing him scream in terror, right bro?

In a clean way of course 🙂

So…what happened?

HAha, well, I did a pre-April Fool’s prank on dear old Metis Wong Kuan Lee.

Met is a homophobe, as am I. Despite our constant accusations of homosexuality between us…we’re just afraid of what we can’t understand.

Well, both of us have had our horrific incidents involving homosexuals…so you can’t really blame us for being the homophobes we are.

And I don’t even wear pink shirts 😉

Sup bro!!!

Ok, so you all know my cousin is down here in good old Brunei. I told him, his name is Hamza by the way, that Metis is coming over. Told him that he’s a huge homophobe and told him to try his best to act as gay as ever to him when he comes over. He’s not gay or bi or anything…but he sure can act 🙂


*What’d I tell ya…he sure can act!*

Me, with my genius in such pranking schemes, planted the seed of doubt in Met’s fertile mind earlier on, whilst on the phone.

Aman: “Dude…”

Metis: “Yeah?”

Aman: “You know my cousin is a bit uh…a bit bisexual…”

Metis: “Serious?”

Aman: “Yeah man…”

I didn’t overdo it though 😉

Aman: “I showed him your picture…he likes you. Says you’re cute.”

Metis: “Serious?! Dude! What did you say? What did you tell him about me?!”

Aman: “Told him you’re gay”

Metis: “Serious?! Dude! Dude!!! No!! Dude!!!”

Aman: “I mean, he has a girlfriend in S’pore and all…but he likes chinese guys lah. Can’t blame him, he grew up in S’pore you know? Mixed culture and all that.”

Metis: “Eh…you sure or not?”

Aman: “Yes lah! I’m just warning you in advance, if he touches you a little bit more then he should, don’t freak out. I mean, both of us are homophobes right? Just thought I’d let you know lah”

Metis: “If you bring your cousin to UBD, I’m not hanging out with you man! No way!”

Aman: “Come on man, don’t be a sissy!”

Metis: “NO man! NO way!”

Aman: “Wuss”

Metis: “Hey, how come he doesn’t disturb you?”

Aman: “He grew up with me man! Shoot! How could he find me attractive?”

Metis: *In a whiny voice* “Yeah…ok”

So the seed was planted 🙂

Now, Met was coming over to my place to pick up his burger from BK and I coaxed him to come into the house as I wanted to pass him some of the data from the prac and stuff.

Met reluctantly entered the house…with his pink shirt on.

Now…my cousin is a very handsome man…I don’t want to sound gay…but he has very nice eyes, so he used it in this prank…very well.

“Oh hi Hamza”, said Met.

“Hey Met…how are you?” replied Hamza shaking Met’s hand and staring into his eyes with a devilish grin that seemed to suggest hidden intentions.

Met, in his trademark whiny voice answered, “Yeah, I’m good, I’m good”

“Oh alright…alright…” said Hamza…

Hamza continued to stare into Met’s eyes. Met started to shift his footing.

Hamza was still holding his hand.

“Alright, so I’m just gonna pass Met some data upstairs yeah Hamza?” I said, not wanting Met to suffer anymore homo-trauma.

“Yeah sure man” said Hamza…eyes still on Metis Wong Kuan Lee.

Met was clearly shaken.



Hamza is a big guy, bigger than Met so his fear is quite valid 🙂

Hamza joined us in the room shortly afterwards and went up to Met and stroked his arm and back as he said,

“So Met, you’ve been in Brunei long?”

Met, trying his best to stay cool went, “Oh yeah, I was born here. I’m Bruneian”

“Ah, I see…” said Hamza…still stroking Met’s back and arm.

Met tried to kill the awkwardness of it all,

“So, how do you like it here?” he asked.

“Oh I love it here man…I love it…” Hamza replied, eyes glued on Met.

“Hamza, check it out, Met’s wearing your favourite colour!” I said, adding fuel to the fire.

“Oh yes…” said Hamza.

“Pink is a man’s colour…” he continued.

“See…” said Met.

“Dude, he’s only saying that cos he likes men in pink…” I said.

“You look good Met…you look really good…” said Hamza as he touched Met again.

He then went to the toilet for a shower.

“Join me Aman?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m fine buddy” I replied.

Met’s eyes lit up!

“Nah! See! He disturbed you!” he exclaimed.

“Well…when he’s ‘in the mood’, it can be a bit scary, but when he tries to get funny with me, I just have to be firm and put my foot down and he normally backs off” I said, with a firm face…trying my best to hide my laughter.

“Relax bro, I already told him to behave himself…what you’re seeing is him behaving!” I said, trying to get Met to relax.

He was tense.

Trying to make light the situation he said, trying to reassure me that he sees this kind of thing every day…

“It’s ok bro, it’s ok. I got friends like that. It’s ok…I know bro, I know, I have friends like this…”




Unfortunately, Met had to leave to pick his mum up so my cousin couldn’t say goodbye but just before Met got in the car, I told him…

“Met…my cousin’s not bi…I was just pulling your leg”

You should have seen Met’s face! He was relieved, angry and shocked all at the same time!!

“You bugger! You bloody bugger! I knew it! I knew it!!!” he yelled.

“No you didn’t, you fell for it…so hard” I said laughing.

“No man! I mean…his eyes man! Damn! So convincing! He’s a good actor! I swear man! I swear…Oh my God…” he said, very relieved.

So that was my great prank on Met.

I know it don’t sound like much on a web page, but you should have SEEN Met’s face. He was SO FREAKING SCARED…but that wasn’t the funny part…it was HOW he was trying his best to hide it!

We all know Met is Mr. Cool. He’s always under control and in control.

It was rather funny to see him out of control…but trying to imitate being in control…


Don’t worry bro, it’s all cool 🙂


*My wacky~~ friend*

Despite my lack of effort to prank the good people of my class, WE got pranked by Dr. Ulmar! What a sneaky fellow! And he did it so well!

The non-chalance of his execution! Perfect!

He was talking about sensory perception and then clicked on the next slide to show us the latest discovery of a new mammalian class!!

If you’re a scientist, this is a big thing.

It’s like coming up with a new button on the calculator in Maths or something :s


*We all got SUCKED IN!!!*

Me, being the ever-observant graphic analyser 😉 pointed out that the picture looked computer generated.

At which point, Dr. Ulmar knew the game was up and said,

“That’s what you get on the first of April!”

It’s fun to be fooled 🙂

* * *

And what a coincidence…


*The colour of the day…but black is always cooler!*

God I look chubby in that picture!

* * *

Alright you little nuggets!! I have to get back to my presentation due tomorrow!!!

I only have 2 slides so far…and the first one is just the title


But it’s ok…I’m a magician 😉

Stay safe everyone,

And don’t wear pink shirts around my cousin 😉


P.S. Happy Birthday Yati! Thank you so much for the lunch treat! You really shouldn’t have!

May Allah always guide you, give you rezki and happiness and always bring you closer to Him, Insha Allah.

Ameen 🙂

Seeing Black

Posted in Black, Funny, Magic, Science on March 22, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


And how are you today?


I sincerely hope so.

As for yours truly…well, he got home, had dinner, felt sleepy, decided to nap at 7pm and wake up at 9pm. I just woke up an hour ago…and it’s 2am.


I dreamt of Indiana Jones!!!


Well…it wasn’t like the dream was ABOUT him…but he was walking around.

I love his movies (can’t wait for the next one!)

Anyway, I was like,

“Are you really Indiana Jones?!”

And he was like,


And I said,


Woke up shortly after that.

The of stupidity of the dream was getting to be too much for me.

Anyway, the dream must be because of my conversation with Dr. Ulmar eariler on.

Went to see Dr. Ulmar about my potential project work with him next year and it was so cool!

He actually gave me an option of things I could do and they all sounded terrific, very heavy-duty field work stuff. You know? Getting nitty-gritty with nature, out there covered in mud, feeling all manly, stomping around with a machete, hacking away at tree branches, catching frogs and feeling really good about yourself.

All in the name of science 🙂

Oklah, so maybe it’s not 100% Indy stuff, I know he doesn’t catch frogs…but still!

I got the hat!


Gotta find a whip though…

Haha, no lah, but seriously, his talk really inspired me and not only could I see myself performing the research he suggested, but it looked like an experience I wouldn’t mind taking on…leeches and all.

I don’t think I can talk much about it here because it’s all still uncertain at this point but I will most definitely let you all know when I’ve made a confirmed decision.

* * *

Today, our practical was supremely interesting, as the test subjects…were ourselves!


I completely humiliated myself with the Perimeter test…my goodness…

Basically the test indicates the distribution of the cones and rods (the colour-detecting cells) in the eye by determining at which angle you first observe colour. So it’s not a colour blindness test or anything, but you sure as heck feel colour blind!!

Alhamdulillah, I’m not colour blind.


Anyway, I started yelling out colours that didn’t exist and SWEARING they were there!

“It’s a black disc! I swear to God it’s a black disc!!! Eh…oh…it’s yellow…”


I’m sure Met will blog about it later… *sigh*

But, in preparation for that, I shall put up the pic of Met doing what he does best, right bro? 😉

*The price of being wacky~~*

I know I can be a mean friend sometimes…

And I have to admit…with my skills on Photoshop…there were a MILLION and one things I was tempted to do to this pic…

But I’m not that mean… 🙂

On a brighter note, the test indicated that Met’s lungs are grotesquely huge and he will survive underwater at least 10 seconds longer than all of us if we were drowning, lost out at sea on a dark, stormy night.


All I know is that if a yellow coloured rescue boat came to fetch me out of the water, I’d swear to God it was black.

* * *

SPEAKING of black!!!

Check out my newest addition to my close up table!!!


*Magic shouldn’t look this sexy…*

To the uninformed, a close up table is the table at which close up magicians (such as myself) practice and perform their magic.

And the new addition here is the half black, half clear glass candle holder!!!

Wicked yeah?

Got an awesome routine that goes with it too 😉

* * *

*Sup bro!*

Haha, yeah man, found it in the glove box of the Holden, will pass it back to you on Monday Insha Allah.

Alrighty then you lot, I would like to get any of the work I can get out of the way…out of the way, before next week comes a-knocking at my door.

And none of us are looking forward to next week right guys?

If you’re in my course you’d understand 🙂

G’nite…or G’morning as it were, you all.

Stay safe,

And it’s black…swear to God 😉