Archive for the Funny Category

Where in the world is Aman Alhamid?

Posted in Booga, Funny, Holidays on June 2, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

Salaams everyone!

And I suppose I owe everyone some sort of explanation for my silence these past couple of days, no?

Well, if you must know what I’ve been doing…then I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing…

Nothing 🙂

Hey…don’t laugh…’nothing’ ain’t cheap…

*People enjoy ‘nothing’ even though it’s expensive*

Ok, seriously though I’ve been getting back to playing video games 🙂

Yeah, my older brother has been playing the PS2 since forever…and all I do is just watch because I don’t want to start playing; you know cos then I don’t want to quit, wanna see the game through to the end. That’s why I reserve games for the holiday times 🙂

Practicing magic is bad enough during the semester! You can ask Met how that affects me!

So, I finally passed God of War II, which is THE BEST game ever put out on PS2, just after GoW I.

*I WILL make you suffer!!!*

Kratos is such a bad-ass and I so wanna be able to do what he does with his blades. Amazing 😛

And then, I decided to play the Wii and I am STILL playing it, enjoying it very much. Went and bought an armfull of games and plopped myself in front of the TV and played all through the night 😀

Ahh…love the holidays 🙂

Oh yeah, speaking of holidays!

I will be out of Brunei from June 2nd (today) to July 2nd (not today) 😀

Alhamdulillah, we have a great trip planned. The details of the trip I’ve kept to myself for such a long time because they weren’t confirmed until just recently.

Check this out:

Fly to Singapore on the 2nd of June, then on the 7th of June, we (myself, Booga, my grand mother and my grand aunty [Amati]) will go for ‘Umrah (Alhamdulillah); then on the 16th (I think) we’re going to….




I’m so excited! I’ve always always always wanted to go there!!!

The home of my forefathers 🙂

And I bet many of you don’t know this, but (out of sheer coincidence), the flag of Yemen consists of my 3 fave. colours; red, black & white 😀


See that? That’s a Yemeni flag…not a flag of India…not a flag of Bangladesh…I AM YEMENI baby! 😉

Hahaha, yeah, so anyway, will be going there on the 16th of June, Insha Allah and then will be leaving there on the 26th of June to Singapore. Will be staying in S’pore until the 2nd of July; at which time I should be returning to good old Brunei 🙂

Then from the 5th to the 15th of July, I’ll be going to Mulu with Dr. Ulmar and the rest of the research team to continue to adventures of Indiana Alhamid 😉

Alhamdulillah, will be kept pretty busy this holiday but I’m really looking forward to it 🙂

So yeah, don’t expect to hear from me (or this blog) during that time but I always check my Gmail so please, if you guys need anything, feel free to e-mail me and let me know, will try to get for you Insha Allah.

But please, don’t ask for ‘nothing’…it’s pretty expensive 😉

* * *

Take care and stay safe everyone,

May you enjoy your holidays one and all! 🙂



The Not-So-Enchanted Forest

Posted in Funny, Science on May 20, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

I couldn’t see properly, heck, I couldn’t even see the hand right in front of my face. The only saving grace I had was the small torchlight strapped around my right wrist. Thankfully, it was a powerful little bugger. Tired and drenched with sweat, I pushed through the dense forest, hoping that the next step I was taking was not into a deep hole covered only by leaves and mud.

2 steps later, I landed in such a hole 😦

I don’t know where you spent your Monday night.

But I spent mine in the thick of a swamp forest near Seria, Labi road to be precise.

That’s right, the adventures of Indiana Alhamid have begun!

*Cue the inspirational Indiana Jones tune!*

Dr. Ulmar texted me and asked if I would like to tag along for a research very similar to what I’d be doing in July. I figured it would be a good way to get to know the techniques involved.

That and I didn’t have any stellar plans for Monday night.

Went to UBD to meet up with Ulmar and a research student doing her Masters in NUS, a Singaporean girl by the name of Gwen. We immediately left in Dr. Ulmar’s jeep for the hour long drive to Labi road.

When we finally got there, I was acquainted my new best friend…this bag:

*A 70 litre hiking bag*

It looked EXACTLY like that one above…except for the colour.

And it was not light.

In fact, it held most of the sensitive equipment for the tests we’d be doing.

Right, so I’ve strapped on this HUGE bag…almost as big as myself, on my back and I was going through the thick forest and if anyone of you knows what a swamp forest is like…you know the ground isn’t exactly the flattest thing in the world.

Bad enough my balance is offset due to the massive load I was carrying but I’ve also got to watch out for the many roots protruding out of nowhere.

We ventured about 15m into the forest to set up our site.

There in the thick of the forest, it got really dark, really fast – it was only 6.30pm.

Gwen and Ulmar had a headlamp.

I only had a torch, which Ulmar kindly lent to me. 😦

We set up equipment and made jokes to pass the time.

Found out that Gwen is super-super-smart when it comes to bugs. I know ONE lecturer that wouldn’t mind getting to know Gwen! She really fascinated me with the different kinds of bugs she studied and is probably the ONLY GIRL I’ve EVER met that loves cockroaches!

And dung flies.

I had set my bag down on the ground as we were talking and not 15 minutes into our conversation I had noticed a mini tarantula had gotten comfortable on top of my bag.

And that was the one I COULD see…mind you, alot of these little critters DON’T LIKE to be seen.

My mind wondered about how many had crawled into my bag through the zip I left open.

I quickly closed the zip.

Using my torch, I shooed the mini tarantula off my bag.

It raised its forelegs as if to say, “Bugger off! This here is my bag!”

I argued.

We had a debate and a cup of tea.

Then it left.

What a nice chap 🙂

The roaches in the forest are DIFFERENT too!

*They look similar to the Brazilian cockroaches you see here*

Midway through our conversation they attacked.


I knew I shouldn’t wear insect repellent because we were trapping INSECTS!

So all I could do was swat them like a madman.

I heard them cry, “The hairy one! He’s killing our men! Get him!”

Me, in my infinite genius, wore a black shirt to the trip 😦

I might as well have painted a “FREE DINNER” sign on myself for the mosquitoes to read!

Once we had set the insect traps we tried to catch a frog.

Gwen caught it very nicely.

Then we heard another one.

Now remember that it is PITCH BLACK in the forest, save for our flashlights.

So we were following the calling of this frog, moving through the dense forest.

When we finally arrived to where the frog was, we realized it was located too high up in the tree to catch.

So back we went.

When we had packed up our stuff, we wanted to go to another side of the forest, but first we had to exit this particular forest…which was kind of difficult.

Remember? Pitch black?

Where do we go?

Which direction?

With the huge bag on my back, we ended up making circles in the forest which sounds more fun than it actually was.

I was dead tired.

It was dark.

Mosquitoes were munching on me.

The forest was dizzying in the dark.

It was Patoi all over again.

But it was just the 3 of us.

Ulmar decided to head out alone to find an exit, leaving me and Gwen in the forest to rest.

Didn’t help that I watched a zombie film the night before.

But I wasn’t afraid of zombies as I was of running into the web of this kind of spider:

*Just try it buddy…*

As I said, it was dark – so it was hard to tell where I was heading.

Just then Ulmar called out and had said he had found a way out, Alhamdulillah.

As we walked towards him…the big bag I had on had caught on something – or something had caught on it.

I couldn’t move.

I tried to wrestle with the thing, but I couldn’t move.

The bag was taller than me, so it wasn’t like I could turn around and see what it was.

I had thought it was a vine…but vines this strong?

I pulled and pulled and I heard a ‘crack’…the vine had snapped…but still…I was stuck.

Ulmar was way out there.

Gwen was about 10m ahead of me.

I called out, “Gwen…I’m kinda stuck”

“Oh ok, I’ll be right there,” she said.

When she clambered back…I turned around to show her how my bag was stuck…when all of a sudden…I wasn’t stuck anymore…


How strange…

We moved on out from the forest.

We almost spent 1 hour being lost and I was tired.

Alhamdulillah Ulmar said it was too late to conduct another test, so we headed on home.

So…spending 3 hours in the forest, getting lost, kissed by lovely spiny rattan stems and sucked on by mosquitoes…all we got was one frog 🙂

Oh yeah and the insect trappings yielded some good data as well.

At least 🙂

Got back home and had a nice shower…wow…I love showers after trips like that; makes you appreciate being clean 😀

Compared to Gwen, I wasn’t badly bitten actually…maybe it’s all the hair 😉 No landing space for the suckers.

That and I was swatting them like nuts.

Alhamdulillah, I had read many doa’s before and during my time in the forest and I am safe 🙂

The forest can be a dangerous place, not just physically (I almost dislocated my shoulder) but also metaphysically.

So yeah, behave yourself when you’re in there.

On the way back Ulmar and Gwen asked me if I wanted to join them again the next day…

“Haha, nah, it’s alright” I replied.


I got chores to do!


Stay safe my friends,

And if you’re ever on Labi road, look out for Ulmar’s copper brown Pajero! 😛


Seed of Barakah

Posted in Black, Booga, Funny, Umar on May 7, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


And we got 6 left to go…

Well, I have 6 exams left to go.

Alhamdulillah x 3, The paper was good. A pleasant paper that was, yes, indeed, rather.

I love pleasant papers like that. I can go to the loo and take a break from all that sitting down.

Let it be known; sitting down is hard work 😛

Nah, I went to the loo like 4 times during the paper!!

Drank lots of water the night before as well as earlier today, you see 😀

Yeah…I have this mouth ulcer…that really really really hurts 😦

AND it’s a big one…yeah, almost as big as the size of my pinkie nail!

Now that’s big!

You know what sucks?

Seeing/Reading about a full grown man complain about a wound smaller than a nostril.


So I’ll stop now 😛


I asked my mum what I could put on it to make it better (Mums always know these kind of things don’t they?) and she said habbat assaudah oil. Habbat assaudah (or also known as habbat albarakah – which literally means the seed of barakah or blessings) is the black seed that is widely sold in Saudi. Looks like this,

*Image from*

It’s also known as Black Cumen but if you want to be really fancy about it, it’s scientific name is Nigella sativa.

In Islamic medicine, this seed is held in very high regard (hence the name ‘seed of blessing’) and it has been used for hundreds of years.

And I conveniently forgot all about it.

So anyway my mum told me to use the black seed oil…and I asked, “Are you sure it’ll help?”

And she turned to me and said, “The Prophet P.B.U.H. once said that this seed can cure all diseases but death – I’m sure it can handle an ulcer”.

In the words of the Wacky Met…”~nyeah”.

I completely forgot about how we used to apply this oil to Umar’s lips when they crack (thanks to a cold night) and they healed by the end of the day!!

And look at his lips…

*You can’t touch this!*

There it is, Umar’s Infamous Pout.

Look at his good looks lah!

Umar! What are doing with such stunning good looks aye?! Huh? What are you doing with it huh?

Helmi got all the height and you got all the good looks and nice skin and everything!

I just got stuck with all the HAIR.

Hehehe, 😀

Yeah, but if your good looks were to be any indication of the beauty within you…I’d say it’s doing a pretty good job, little guy 🙂

Yup, you are our seed of barakah 🙂

I’ve already applied the oil.

Now I’m gonna try and see if my pout looks as good as his 😉

Good luck for the rest of your exams my friends!

Stay safe,

And [the seed] is BLACK!!! 😉


WOW & Spammish Wisdom

Posted in Family, Funny on May 4, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


I sincerely hope everyone is doing alright…and that revision has been on track 🙂

I wish I could say the same for myself…but yeah.

Don’t worry, I’m getting there 😛

* * *

We had a doa selamat for my driver & maid, who will be departing for their ‘Umrah on the 12th Insha Allah. It’s gonna be a rough 10 days for us without them, but we’ll pull through Insha Allah.


And…CHECK OUT THE CAKE one of our guests brought…


Go ahead…say it.


Yeah, pretty much everyone who saw it said it 😉

It’s a marbled butter cake (on the inside) with generous chocolate sauce dripped all over the top…

I had a big slice 🙂

It was good 🙂

At the end of the function, this was all that was left…

I ate one more after taking this pic 🙂

* * *

CHECK OUT the new David Blaine deck coming out!!!

They also have red backed ones too 🙂

Just in case you haven’t noticed, the ‘Spade’ symbol on the deck’s back design and card box are David Blaine’s initials back to back; ‘db’.

Pretty neat huh?

Gosh, I reckon that could be done with my initials…’aa’…right?


Kinda pricey at about $12 a deck (3x the price of my regular Bicycle cards!)…but I’m getting them Insha Allah 🙂

* * *

I’ve come to a realization.

Wisdom can be found anywhere.

For example, by studying the caterpillar’s transformation into a beautiful butterfly…we can see that change is possible and is part of nature.

Or, by studying how the ants work together…we can see that yes, indeed, we can accomplish anything when we work together.

Wisdom can be found anywhere.


in your Spam folder 😉



Ever since I got the odd Spam e-mail below:

I figured, my Spam box was trying to tell me something…

So every now and then I’d check it to see if there was any wisdom for me.

Sometimes there was…

But most of the time it just highlights my ‘apparent’ nakedness…

And judging from the number of mails I keep getting about that, I’m now starting to doubt my ability to properly put on clothes.

Wondering what this all meant…I was kept awake for many nights…constantly checking the presence of my shirt and pants (just in case!)…looking for a sign.

What did this all mean?

Was I special in some way?


One day…

The answer came…and it was so clear…


* * *

Alright, it’s back to studying fer me 🙂

Good luck everyone!

And please, let’s all pray for each other ok?

Awesome 😉

Stay safe,

And remember…I am a moron – it’s official 😉



Posted in Funny, Magic on April 29, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic

It’s amazing,



How many new magic tricks I learn,



And how many new routines I create,



And how many performances I can perfect,



During the revision week…

The Thriller Brothers

Posted in Funny, Magic, Michael Jackson, Music on April 27, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


How you guys been?

I sincerely hope everyone’s been fine, Insha Allah.

I have to admit I’m rather upset at myself…well, for one thing, I’ve overeaten…again


Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about food or what not, it’s just that I tend to eat more than what is enough to make me full.

This has been happening quite a lot lately, so yeah, not cool 😛

The Ace of Spades plate had one of my maid’s killer kebab burgers, some baked potatoes, broccoli and baked fish fillets.

The brown plate had cake on it 😀

And mousse! 😉

See…more than enough kan!

Hehehe, well, Alhamdulillah. I shouldn’t complain.

Just make more of an effort to eat in moderation, that’s all 🙂

At least I have food…no, GOOD food, to eat 🙂


Another, and perhaps a more valid reason for me to be upset with myself is that I haven’t properly gotten into the swing of revision. I checked out the past paper questions (thanks Azman!) and they don’t look easy…

And yet…

I’d be up at 3 am practicing my God-damn rope routine…

I’m uh…gonna shoot another video soon… 😛

Alright, alright…after the exams at least 🙂

* * *

Check out what I got in my Spam folder!

*Gasp! I was caught naked!!!*


And so the scandal continues! First my Spam folder told me ‘they’ have a hidden cam video of me and now they’ve caught me ‘naked’.

*Sigh* The simple cheap laughs you get from your everyday Spam 🙂

* * *

Alhamdulillah, I’m so glad that many people (including other magicians) have taken my latest magic video ‘Amati’s Aces‘ very well. Someone on Youtube actually commented that it was better than Copperfield’s version!


Now that’s some heavy stuff there!

If you ask me, I don’t think anything can beat the original but if that guy says so, I ain’t gonna argue, hehe 😀

To everyone that watched it – thanks for taking the time to do so 🙂

You can watch it again if you want…you know…just…you know…for fun 😉

It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone 😛

* * *

Everyone has said that the Thriller video I posted a while back bears no resemblance to me…


Look at this freeze frame of the video:


In case you don’t know me very well…


It’s a computer rendered 3D image of a picture I had to upload, so granted the eyes look a bit demented and the nose looks like freaking Bert from Sesame Street and my eyebrows look like they belong to the actor who played the father in American Pie – BUT…it’s me.




Just for kicks, I asked my brother to do the same and check out his video!

*Helmi Alhamid as Michael Jackson*

Hahahahaha! I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw his video!

It’s as if MJ didn’t have nose surgery!


If you wanna try this thing out, go to Michael and give it a shot, it’s really easy 🙂

* * *

Whilst on the topic of Michael Jackson, I came across a really really nice remix of MJ’s ‘Earth Song’.

I was quite worried when I saw the title: Earth Song (India Dream Megajacko Chill 2008 remix), not knowing what to expect.

But I was pleasantly surprised to find that it’s a very soothing remix.

Very nice on the ears 🙂

Have a listen

* * *

Alrighty then my friends, I got me some pseudo-studying to do 😛

Stay safe!




Gym & Cheesecake

Posted in Funny, Magic, Music on April 23, 2008 by smoothcriminalmagic


Wanna relax?

Listen to this, it’s just audio, no video.

*A smoothly sampled beat from MJ’s ‘Lady In My Life’*

* * *

Now that I think about it, I’m rather pathetic.

And Met finds that peculiar (f-BEECH!) 😉

See, went to the gym for about two hours, chatted with friends, did some magic with the boys, and left. Did a pretty decent workout too I might add, spent about 30 mins on the treadmill – which is an accomplishment for my short, hairy self because I usually run for about 15 mins.

HBO really helps! 😛

Did some light weight bench pressing and I punished my abs too.

I even checked my weight and discovered that I actually lost about 1.5 kg lately 🙂

I am around 69 kg now, I used to be 59 kg during my peak of physical fitness during my stint in the Police. My aim is to at least hit 65 kg.

Then I watched Leong teeter on the gay side, by going to an all girls dance class…


Carry on!


But when I came back home, I was absolutely starving – I didn’t have lunch see. So I ate a little bit more than I should. Had a nice big chunk of cheesecake, a latte (but of course), and a full bowl of my maid’s really really really nice fried rice.

Then, what did I do after the whole epic dinner?

Slept like a log.

I didn’t even shower.

I know.

I know.


Woke up around 11.30 pm and showered then.

I feel energized, but at the same time, I feel disappointed that I overate, I didn’t need to have such large portions of cake and rice…but yeah.

And it isn’t just today…

A couple of days ago, I finished up the tiramisu in the fridge…

*Tiramisu…vanished! Magic! Yay! 😛 *

I finished that WHOLE container of tiramisu all by myself, yes I did 😀

Over the course of a week lah! 😛

Anyway, I don’t feel too bad about the sleeping though cos I didn’t get many winks the night before anyway, so it’s all good 🙂

Alhamdulillah, at least I have decent health.

And fur 🙂

* * *

I don’t know about the other students, but we FOS people are more or less done with our lectures and now most of our days are pretty much free.

Part of you feels like you should start catching up with the movies you’ve been setting aside, saying you’d watch it when you’re free – well now’s your chance.

But at the same time, another part of you says, “Hey buddy… buddy…look, your first exam is 2 weeks away…don’t you think…you should…you know? Open a book or something?”

Yeah, that’s Mr. Logic, always giving his opinion when you need it least…but never at the wrong time.


you gonna open a book?

I am…later…ish.


* * *

Oh check this out!

*Comedy magic*

The dude is Jay Sankey, a very popular magician in the magic world…you probably may not have heard of him, but he’s really creative. He’s also a comedian, so this is one of his wackier clips!

He’s even helped Copperfield!

I personally do one or two of his tricks myself 🙂

* * *

*It’s beautiful, thank you 😀 *

Amjaad, my dear Omani sister, you will be sorely missed!

Just remember you will always have friends (AND family) here, in this obscure little country, tucked away in the South East…friends who sincerely care.

As you do.

Even though you don’t show it 😛

* * *

Righto, I am sleepy – again – so I shall call it a night…again…


Salaams and stay safe all of you!

And all your tiramisu belongs to me! 😉